This is my garbled summary, originally written in an AOL Instant Messenger chat box, of an old Japanese film directed by Nagisa Oshima.

Platypus 3333 (10:30:41 PM): like first htere's some dude being chased cause people think he sotle something, then he strips to his underwear and ther'es a flower on his stomach that people bow down to

Platypus 3333 (10:31:21 PM): then we see that same dude playing the guitar and singign

Platypus 3333 (10:31:37 PM): then we see some other dude who's in a bookstore, and he steals some books, but some shopgirl stops him

Platypus 3333 (10:31:45 PM): brings him to her boss, who just lets him go

Platypus 3333 (10:32:07 PM): then an interlude where some dude is kind of groping her and she says no

Platypus 3333 (10:32:19 PM): then we see that same dude tryign to steal some books again, and the girl again brings him to her boss

Platypus 3333 (10:32:33 PM): the boss gives him a book about sex that noone wnats, and he dedicates it to "birdY' when the dude claims his name is birdy

Platypus 3333 (10:32:40 PM): the chick's name is umeno

Platypus 3333 (10:33:00 PM): so anyway then birdy and umeno are walking on a bridge with some money and he says he wnats to go on a date with here, and she says she has to go on a date to lose her virginity

Platypus 3333 (10:33:12 PM): then when he offers her the books she swats them out of his hands

Platypus 3333 (10:33:19 PM): and hten he walks away and as she's picking them up she says "damn it"

Platypus 3333 (10:33:26 PM): then we see her stealing ad ress from a store while birdy waits outside

Platypus 3333 (10:33:33 PM): then they have sex and she's kind of distraught aftewards

Platypus 3333 (10:33:45 PM): then they're at a club and she starts flipping out and throwing shit

Platypus 3333 (10:33:59 PM): since she seems pissed the boss, mr. tanabe, gets them to go to some kind of psychologist

Platypus 3333 (10:34:05 PM): the psychologist tells them to strip, and they refuse

Platypus 3333 (10:34:26 PM): then after hsowing htem some artwork he says umeno's response indicates she wants to engage in gang sexa nd has lesbian tendencies

Platypus 3333 (10:34:37 PM): then we cut to a scene with a bunch of people playing poker and discussing the nature of sex

Platypus 3333 (10:34:56 PM): then we see umeno and birdy watching some guy and his girlfriend sitting on a balcony

Platypus 3333 (10:35:11 PM): the owners of the balcony's inn use a hose over hte side of the building to simiulate rain

Platypus 3333 (10:35:42 PM): the purpose being that "this makes people feel closer together," and then we see that guy and his gf having sex

Platypus 3333 (10:35:55 PM): then birdy is chasing umeno around a pond with a strap on dildo..

Platypus 3333 (10:36:22 PM): then he runs off and comes back being chased by either tow guys or two cops, im' not sure... then birdy jumps umeno and begins taking off her clothes but one of hte two guys knocks him out and they rape her

Platypus 3333 (10:36:33 PM): then they don'ts ee each other for a while cause they feel all weirded out

Platypus 3333 (10:36:43 PM): then umeno starts making a huge stack of books in the bookstore after hours

Platypus 3333 (10:37:08 PM): then birdy and mr tanabe come in and birdy triest o sell umeno to mr tanabe, but he has too much dignity and tells them to just get lost, saying "i knew you were never a real shopgirl anyway"

Platypus 3333 (10:38:23 PM): so then they go wander around and find a kabuki theater group , hte same one from the veyr beginning

Platypus 3333 (10:39:02 PM): and then birdy becomes an actor but he sucks so they take his role away but then umeno and birdy steal the kabuki troupe's fake plaster head, and hold it hostage until the kabuki troupe comes to get it back... I think

Platypus 3333 (10:39:27 PM): i'm not sure if hta'ts part of the play, but then some woman comes in and is about to pretend to kill herself but hten umeno sits down, and draws some fake blood across her stomach

Platypus 3333 (10:39:33 PM): and then the kabuki people leave and umeno and birdy have sex again

Platypus 3333 (10:39:41 PM): and thats... pretty much the story

It takes huge, tremendous balls to make your second episode a filler episode with footage from your first episode, which recapped stories from the previous series.

(UN)FORTUNATELY, THE MAKERS OF HELLSING, IF ANYTHING, HAVE HUGE BALLS.

Synopsis:

Ergo Proxy is about these domestic humanoid machines, called "autoraves," that are apparently going insane or flipping out after being infected with some mysterious virus called Cogito. At the same time there are some murders going on or something.

First, some white haired dude being experimented on by some short haired chick flips out. Some random shit happens, then some dude in red is fighting some machines with a gun and gets knocked into the air. Lir and Iggy first appear as they are driving around investigating infected autoraves. He starts irritating her so she turns off his personality. Pwned. Lir is pretty hot, and will obviously serve as eyecandy in this anime. This is confirmed near the end of the episode where she strips to her underwear and, about to take a hot bath, begins to pull off her shirt. Unfortunately, first some huge dude with white hair and a red cloak jumps in and makes her cry, then the thin white haired dude from the beginning of the episode runs in, and they start fighting. Then they crash out the window, but really, I just got a bit ahead of myself there. Anyway, so then they go to some mortuary for autoraves, and she checks out some fucked up autorave before leaving again. They say some shit that sounds deep and portentous, but probably doesn't really mean shit. Lir and Iggy raid some apartment building and find some fat dude and his "companion" autorave. Although I can't be sure whether this is some kind of joke, this autorave's "AR Code" is "TOYHO." Science is apparently sophisticated enough in this anime to make companion robots with personalities, they have somehow failed to invent "non fucked up face" technology. Lir goes off to explore while Iggy does some questioning; first she sees an autorave kneeling, then the white haired guy from the first scene attacks her before jumping out the window. Lir shoots a machine with a shotgun, watches another autorave run away. We then see the goofy guy from the mortuary repairing some chick's surrogate autorave daughter. Non fucked up face technlogy is in full evidence here, suggesting that the fat dude likes banging robots with soulless mannequin faces. Great.

We then see Law talking about a bunch of shit to a bunch of greek statuary. They refer to something called a "Proxy;" since that's half the name of the fucking anime, its probably important. Law asks "what is proxy?" before the scene fades to black. Very mysterious.

After some investigation of the crime scene, Lir and Iggy walk off.

Law talks to the Short Haired Chick about some hugeass robot.

Lir walks home to her apartment and thinks about what has transpired today.

Then she walks into her bathroom and begins to remove her clothing.

Meanwhile, Iggy sees some masked guy on a motorcycle and begins to follow him.

Lir sees the word "Awakening" written on her mirror, and then we get into the shirt removing scene discussed earlier in this synopsis.

Characters:

Lir, a black haired Goth looking inspector who's the granddaughter of someone important. Carries a shotgun and has on quite a lot of eyeshadow. I think Lir might work under Law. I dunno.

Iggy, Lir's autorave.

Law, director of some intelligence agency.

Short Haired Chick, the first character to appear in the anime. She shows up later looking at some hugeass robot.

Goofy guy from mortuary, a goofy guy from the mortuary that always looks like he's got his eyes closed. Probably important.

White haired guy, a white haired guy who escapes from some lab early in the episode. He has long flowing white hair and what appears to be a gimp mask- these qualities, coupled with the fact that he has superhuman strength and quickness, leads me to believe he will be the official "badass" of the anime.

Conclusion:

Overall, though this anime has fantastic art, I have absolutely no idea what is going on. Chances are, I'll stop watching by episode 3 and Liquid will finish the rest.

As a final note, I'm not sure why it's necessary to give all autoraves gender differentiating characteristics like breasts, but I'm sure its important somehow.

Hannibal Lecter
Weight: 170 lbs
Height: 5' 7"
Pain Tolerance: 8
Benchpress: 130
Weapon: N/A

Bio: Hannibal Lecter was a young child when, during World War 2, his parents were killed and the family estate was taken over by deserters. Confronted with a severe food shortage, these deserters ate several of their child captives, including Lecter's beloved sister Mischa.

Lecter subsequently went on to get a medical degree at Oxford and serve as a therapist/psychology researcher at Princeton. Assumedly somewhat before this period, he began to kill and cook people in elaborate five course meals. His victims included college students, people that generally annoyed him, and a member of the Baltimore Philharmonic Orchestra that he thought sucked.

He was eventually captured by Agent William Graham, who was investigating a series of murders and had inadvertently asked Lecter, the perpetrator, for advice. After being captured, Lecter was confined and later visited again by Graham, who sought the psychologist's advice concerning a murderer known as the Tooth Fairy.

Lecter spent more time in jail until he was visited by Clarice Starling, an FBI trainee who wanted his advice on yet another killer named Buffalo Bill. His help allowed her to eventually capture Buffalo Bill, though during this period Lecter managed to escape captivity by picking his handcuffs with a pen clip, killing the two policeman responsible for his care, and being carried out while wearing one of their bloody faces. Awesome.

Some time after the Buffalo Bill events, Lecter writes Starling a letter; upon receiving it, she immediately sets off to capture him. However, he manages to evade this, eating a couple people in pretty elaborate ways in the process. As far as I know, he's still at large.

Why He's Badass: Lecter is the most seductively evil character I have ever seen, surpassing even Dracula, the prototype for alluring evil. Despite the fact that the shit he does is totally off the wall, you can't help but think he's just purely awesome.

Unlike many other badasses, Lecter's strength lies not in his power or physical abilities; rather, he's simply a genius, and utilizes his perfect understanding of human nature to get his goals accomplished. His escape is probably the most insane plan I have ever seen; it takes a hell of a crazy motherfucker to decide that cutting someone's face off and wearing it as a mask is best and most effective course of action. The fucker is so dangerous that they keep him in solitary confinement, and when transported he has to wear a leather muzzle and a straitjacket, resulting in some dudes having to basically cart him around on a handtruck. The fact that Lecter can still appear so dangerous despite completely shit conditions is a testimony to his greatness.

In addition, Lecter appears to be genuinely good at everything. He can cook French dinners, notice when a flutist is out of tune or whatever, draw portraits, take out two cops within a span of several minutes, and more. Its insane.

He's also a colossal asshole, and seems to genuinely enjoy either pissing people off or horrifying them. More power to him.

Apparently Hello Kitty now has a pet cat that looks EXACTLY LIKE HER.

This implies that Hello Kitty keeps a member of her own race naked and collared, much like a slave or piece of property. Good God.

On another note, that little thing to the left is not Charmmy Kitty. That is Charmmy Kitty's "pal," Sugar.